A vulgar dance party in the CARIBBEAN?!!!

Hello Mix Up readers! Welcome to 2015, we’re off to a late start but we’re back! And with a bang. You’re welcome.

Trigger warning: Rape, Domestic Abuse.

Heads up; there will be swearing as well.

Today we’re gonna talk (rant) about one Mr. Leslie Miller. We’ve all seen the video of him talking (LAUGHING) about abusing his ex-partner. If you haven’t, enlighten yourself. He later ‘apologised’ to the Bahamian people by writing a cheque for a whopping $1000 (wow, ballin) to the Bahamas Crisis Centre, who essentially told him to shove it.  *slow claps*

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 Fast forward a few months (almost a year really) and Mr. Miller shares some remarks about carnival, which is expected to take place in Nassau at some point. As the saying goes, opinions are like assholes, we’ve all got one; so go ahead and share it Leslie. *grabs popcorn*. Now, I’m gonna go ahead and pick out my favourite bits of his opinion and explain why they are WRONG AS HELL.

1. “The young people in this country are totally out of line morally.” …  This was said by a man who admitted to physically abusing his ex-partner. A man who recalled the events in a playful manner, laughing …WHILE IN THE BLOODY HOUSE OF ASSEMBLY. A man who when given an out by the speaker who said “Now, he’s just joking”, said “no, I’m serious.”

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Okay.

Sir, you are out of line morally.

2. Carnival will encourage, “promiscuity, fornication, rape, incest and other sins of the flesh.” …. promiscuity and fornication already occur on a daily basis in the Bahamas, let’s be real. And who cares TBH, getcho life. I’m not here to judge anyone, and neither should Mr. Miller. Do you boo.

But moving on to the notion that carnival will encourage rape????

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WHAT?! Unless they’re bringing actual rapists over for the event I’m gonna go ahead and call bullshit on that, Leslie. I’m gonna need you to stop spreading these ignorant, victim blaming, rape myth accepting views to my people. Thanks!

I don’t even know what to say in reference to carnival encouraging incest because that is the silliest of his entire carnival commentary. Show me the receipts, sir!

3. “I am not enthused about it to be honest with you.” – “But it is not my decision.” … Now, this one I honestly did like. Once you know, bruh. It’s happening.

Fast forward ONE DAY. And yuh boy ‘takes back’ these statements because Perry Christie pointed out in an interview that Leslie Miller’s daughters are quite (though I’m not sure the extent) involved in carnival.

Let’s take this at face value, he said he spoke out of turn and that he was not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter etc etc yada yada BUT, he still said publicly that women dressed a certain way = rape. He apologised for talking shit about carnival because he wasn’t ‘educated’ enough, but how about getting yourself educated on a more serious matter such as rape, before you speak about what’s going to cause it. I can assure you Mr. Miller, it ain’t those carnival outfits. He said that his daughters made a ‘believer’ out of him in reference to carnival. Good job girls, honestly; I’m sure that was tough as hell. Only now someone needs to make a believer out of him when it comes to things like rape and victim blaming.

You can start with this article, where women shared the outfits that they wore when they were assaulted. And wouldn’t you know, no carnival bikinis!

Here’s some photos, if you don’t feel like reading:

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 A few weeks ago I was having a conversation on this same topic with a male friend of mine. If you’re reading this, sorry bruh, but you asked for it. :)

Him: If you’re dressed like a slut, you are asking for it.

Me:

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Him: It’s like if I walked down the street with all my gold chains on. I’m inviting a thief to take them.

Me: … You have every right to walk down the street with ALL your jewelry on, if someone tries to steal them, it’s because they are a thief, not because you asked them to.

Him: Yeah but by wearing them, I’m giving them the opportunity to rob me. If I don’t wear them, they can’t steal them.

Me: Okay, I see your point. When we go out later I’ll leave my breasts and vagina on the night stand.

Him: …

Me:

In short, the ‘vulgar’ young people are not the problem. The problem is the ignorant, ass backwards opinions that people in power have and then feel the need to spread around.

Mr. Miller, if you’re reading this, I invite you to become as educated as you can on every topic you brought up as being a possible result of carnival; especially rape. If I didn’t make a believer out of you, discuss it with your daughters; I’m sure they have opinions on this as well. Ask them what they thought about you telling the world you used to physically assault a past girlfriend on a regular basis. Ask them how they felt when you laughed about it. Ask them how they would feel if you did that to their mother. Ask yourself how you would feel if someone did that to them, and then laughed about it on national television. Ask yourself how you would feel if god forbid, they were sexually assaulted and someone had the fucking nerve to blame it on what they were wearing; thus excusing the perpetrator’s actions.

Jessica

How Nassau is a lot like Game of Thrones

Hello all. I’ve been back in The Bahamas for two months now and I’ve noticed a few things. I’m an avid reader, voraciously so. I am also primarily a fan of fantasy and sci-fi genres. That being said I’ve come to notice a few things about this precious island called New Providence and it’s similarities to feudal Westeros. Let us begin.

1. We have Direwolves, known as the Potcake

Let’s talk about this for a second. The Stark family’s sigil is the Direwolf, now if we were to take New Providence to be one giant family house, our sigil would be the Potcake. Why? They are everywhere, and much like the Direwolves, they’re huge.

2. Like the Kings fighting for the Iron Throne, everyone has a sweetheart

Like King Robert Baratheon, or the leader of any house (Frey, Martell, Greyjoy), someone always had a sweetheart. This is directly analogous to New Providence and The Bahamas at large because like these giant Kings of Westeros, everyone has a sweetheart. They place a lot of stock on marriage but erry’one got them a sweetheart. Men. Women. Alike.

3. Violence everywhere. Westeros has an excuse though (claiming the Iron Throne and all) what excuse do we have?

If you’re a fan of the books or you’ve just watched the series on HBO, I’m sure you’ve noticed a common thread? Yes? Oh yes, it’s the violence. From Day 1 GOT was a violent series. And greets me when I step off the plane and hop into my ride to my new apartment? Violence on the radio. Violence on the newspapers. Westeros had an excuse though, a million Kings all vying for the one true throne. We though, Nassauvians, don’t have much of one. I shouldn’t be afraid to live alone, but I am.

4. Cersei was born into wealth. Daenerys has dragons. What do Bahamian women have to do to get into power?

If you’re a woman in Westeros, chances are your lot sucks. Your opportunities suck. Your life expectancy, also sucks. Now we’re a bit better than them but certain themes do reoccur, in that like Cersei born into power or Daenerys who gained it (through dragons no less!), women have to be born into some semblance of power (coming from a powerful family or have a modicum of wealth or opportunity) or work their butts off doubly hard to get it.

5. Like Sansa, Daenerys, Cersei or Arya, women don’t have a ton of options

We get to the next thing! Women don’t have a ton of options. Sansa, Daenerys, Cersei and Arya are all prized for their marriageability. I’d like to think that as Bahamians we’re beyond this concept, beyond looking at women as alliance makers and breakers, but at the end of the day, what options do Bahamian women have? Things like race and class intersect with this as women born into positions of privilege (class/race) will have relative chances of upward mobility but not everyone though.

Let’s go back to Westeros, the common woman, the farmer’s daughter or fisherman’s wife, unattached to a castle or man with a fancy title, what options did she have? None.

6. Shitty. Roads. Everywhere.

Riding their carts over wobbly terrain, Westeros travelers have it hard, and like our fantasy brothers and sisters, those potholes, dips, dents and bumps don’t make Nassau roads no darn better.

7. High Born. Politicians.

Like the ‘high borns’ or the nobles in Westeros, we have our own set all vying for their own Iron Throne. What are they called? Politicians! What do they want? To win elections!

 

ClaireSig

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things (4)

Jessica

1. Patrick Stewart’s reaction to this question.

2. 1 is 2 Many PSA. It’s about time people start teaching “do not rape” rather than just “here’s how not to get raped.”

3. Donald Sterling being banned from the NBA for being an ignorant prick. Four for you, Adam Silver. You go, Adam Silver.

4. This spoken word poem, for showing how amazing friendship is and that platonic soulmates are a thing.

5. 16 lies we need to stop teaching boys about sex.

6. 17 lies we need to stop teaching boys about sex. 

7. This dancing owl. Get it gurl!

8. This video of a young mother is moving, and made me redefine my idea of what parenting is.

 

ClaireSig

1. Creative Nassau’s Go Live event launch! It promises to be a great night of creativity and fun.

2. Adam Resnick’s new book Will Not Attend (which is basically the anthem of my life)

Synopsis
Adam Resnick, an Emmy Award-winning writer for NBC’s Late Night with David Letterman, has spent his entire life trying to avoid interaction with people. While courageously admitting to being “euphorically antisocial” and “sick in the head,” he allows us to plunge even deeper into his troubled psyche in this unabashedly uproarious memoir-in-essays where we observe Resnick’s committed indifference to family, friends, strangers, and the world at large. His mind shaped by such touchstone events as a traumatic Easter egg hunt when he was six (which solidified his hatred of parties) and overwrought by obsessions, including one with a plastic shopping bag (which solidified his hatred for change), he refuses to be burdened by chores like basic social obligation and personal growth, living instead by his own steadfast rule: “I refuse to do anything I don’t want to do.

3. This How Much Do You Hate People quiz because I don’t actually hate people, not at all, it’s just that a lot of them annoy me a bit… smidge… ton. I got a 35 out of 65 and I have some friends that got much higher than me. How high do you score on this irksome scale?

4. Geeky Ring Pairs for your bff or partner (or if they’re both, lucky you!). I so want the Khaleesi and Khal one for me and my bestie and Sherlock and Watson for my partner (Me being Sherlock, of course).

5. I’m letting my Geek-Freak Flag fly today and booooo to anyone who shakes their head at it! So, my childhood was pretty much ruled by Sailor Moon and their female ass-kicking awesomeness (#TeamSailorJupiter #TeamSailorMercury #TeamUranusAndNeptue) but this awesome anime is getting a reboot that is totally a lot closer in appearance and script to the manga (the manga is so amazing, geeky friends, please read it).

6. Shout out to the Illiterati Story Slam group inspiring creativity everywhere!

7. And last but not least, Dionne’s new Bahamian Art & Culture.

Kim3

1. THISSS video….gets me everytime…it’s the best!

2. Team Bahamas Golden Knights win at the Penn Relays 2014. Go Bahamas go!

3. Teej Grant on the Randy Fraser foolishness….cause that’s all it is…pure foolishness!

4.  Grandfather to be. This is too sweet.

4. We should all try to be like him.

 

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We hope you enjoyed everything!

Why I don’t find ‘Anybody Home with the Door Crack’ funny.

Side Note: I know yall didn’t expect a Valentine post from ME, right?!

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Okay, good.

Now, before you go assuming that I must have no sense of humour, allow me to explain you a thing; I am hilarious. To be fair, my humour is dry as hell, consists mainly of quips and is littered with sarcasm, but I’m versatile; I can both give and take a joke with the best of ‘em. If you were paying attention I’ve made a joke already. I’ll admit, the phrase itself is quite nonsensical so it has the potential to be funny, but it’s just not. And here’s why: she’s not laughing; in fact she’s confused really. When you’re laughing AT someone and they aren’t amused or even aware of what’s happening, it’s not funny; it’s rude.

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Just yesterday I was discussing this same point with my cousin. He and I were exchanging some pretty clever (albeit odd) banter with another cousin; who wasn’t laughing, and kept getting on the defensive. So I told him to stop, and said something to her along the lines of ‘we’re only joking around, not making fun of you. Please don’t take our stupidity to heart’. To which he interjected ‘uhm, those two are the same thing.’ However, they aren’t. Joking around means everyone is involved and having a good time being idiots together, making fun of someone implies they aren’t enjoying it, and you could be hurting their feelings. They both understood and the banter continued; sans feelings. Now, you can easily argue that this doesn’t apply to the Door Crack video because she doesn’t look upset. However, she’s still not in on the joke, while the whole country is laughing AT her. So I can’t find the humour in it; all it makes me feel is uncomfortable.

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The second (and main) reason is that whoever shot the video tried too damn hard to make it funny. In the videos they ask her repeatedly to “say it again ahahaha”, “say it again, come on, say it”. As if this is a friggen circus and she’s the seal with the horns, or they’re the annoying neighbour kids that keep throwing stones at your dog to get him to bark. They’re hard up for a joke and that fact kills it.

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I have always found it to be true that beauty and ‘funny’ are similar in that neither of them work if you try too hard. The funniest things are effortless, come naturally, unexpectedly, and out of nowhere. Stop trying so hard!

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Jessica

All I’m askin’ is for a little Respect

About two weeks ago as I was heading out of work on my lunch break and walking to my car in the office parking lot, a car was driving by with four men in it.  The car slowed down and as three of the four men literally hung out of the windows of the car, one of them shouted (to me), “Ooh baby, you so beautiful,  I would let you sit right on my face!”  I was disgusted and thought for sure there was no way my ears heard what I thought they just did.  Sadly, this type of behavior would be considered normal by most of today’s younger generation.  Why is this okay?

I’ll tell you why it’s okay. It’s okay because so many of our young females today respond to this type of blatant disrespect by males in a positive way. I’m assuming that in some sick and twisted way, they find it cute or flattering.  It’s like what other choice would a woman have in that situation but to run and jump on top of the guy’s face….right?  Right??20130610-210955There is a saying that goes, “what you allow is what will continue”.  As long as males are allowed to act this way towards females it will never stop.  And what is really happening in doing so is we are telling males that it is totally acceptable to have no respect whatsoever for females.  The funny part about all of this is women then turn around and complain that men do not respect them.  Of course they don’t because most women today don’t require respect.  Our generation of females have become so comfortable with accepting any form of attention from males that they don’t even realize that these very males , for lack of a better term, don’t give a shit about them and are really only interested in sex.  And at the end of the day what you will have is a bad reputation and a run down body while he gets bragging rights because you’re just another notch on his belt.  I could go on and on with regard to respect in relationships but I’m no expert, so I won’t.

Personally, I do not even respond to men who do what can be called the Bahamian ‘mating call’ of hissing their teeth to get my attention because I find that disrespectful.  If a man wants my attention or is interested in speaking to me, hissing his teeth at me is not the recommended route to take.  As a matter of fact, that will only leave him being ignored even more so than he probably was before he began hissing.  But that’s just me, and I know that my tolerance level for pretty much everything is very low but even with that being said, I don’t think that in feeling this way I am being snotty or “stuck up”, I just refuse to be treated with anything less than respect by anyone, and men in particular.  And I honestly wish that more of our young Bahamian women felt the same way.  It is the only way that our young men are going to do better…if we quit responding to this type of disrespect.

Truthfully, accepting this shitty behavior from men is just a sign of no self respect.  You have to respect yourself enough to know how you deserve to be treated.  If you don’t respect yourself then why should anyone have any respect for you?  Perhaps the reason why our young women respond to these comments from men is because what they’re looking for isn’t respect, but just attention.  And obviously there is a huge difference.  What needs to be understood is that men will give respect to women who demand it and refuse to settle for anything less.  Men will treat you either classy or trashy depending on what you allow.  It’s up to you to figure out your standards, or if you even have any.Kim3

Against An ‘Ingrained’ Notion of Motherhood Desire

In the past, I recall a particular scenario that has repeated itself over and over again, in different places and spaces, with different people, different genders, ethnicities and nationalities (though predominately Bahamian, most particularly so). Indeed, it has occurred so many times that it is almost etched into my very psyche.

I avoid this topic, this conversation with every being in me because it makes me so uncomfortable, so angry that frustration and flustering are immediate. What am I talking about exactly? Well let me first recount a typical scenario.

Upon talking to a few colleagues, in my old place of work, we were talking about children. Many gushed that they couldn’t wait to settle down and pop a few out. One wanted 6 children. Another 2, because 6 was too many. Another wanted 1, but wouldn’t the child be lonely? What about 3? Do you want girls? Boys? Should you have a mix? Too many boys are bad. But too many girls are a problem. And on, and on it went till it was my turn. And unto them I answered: I don’t want any children. There was a quite moment when a man smiled and said, oh, but you’re so young (I was 23), wait till you’re older, you’ll change your mind. My colleagues were around my age, so let’s say we had a pool of 20 to 30 and 2 who were over 50. Two men to 5 women.

Every single one of them said the exact same thing, that of course, I am mistaken, I must surely want children, that my hormones are just temporarily frozen, and I shall feel that urge to procreate upon maturity.

Insulting My Faculties

Let me first say, that the above scenario is inherently insulting. It is condescending and overly personal. And to make it all worse, I’ve heard it so many damn times I just roll my eyes and keep on going. Let me ground you a bit. I’ve always felt detached from children, even so as a child I didn’t connect with my peers. This solidified as I entered my teens and 20s. I do not want children. I have no desire to have children. I will never, biologically, birth my own children.

So to imply, that my desire to not procreate is:

  1. A lack of maturity is immensely insulting. I know many mature young 20s that have childrenand it’s great! I know a few older individuals who have children that are clearly unprepared, not ready and indeed almost emotionally neglectful towards their kids. So what does this men? That age ain’t nuttin but a number. Desire to have children is evident in the very young to the very old. Now the ability to have children, is, yes, a bit limited by age but I submit that age or maturity has nothing to do with the sheer desire (or lack thereof) to have children. My faculties aren’t broken, if I do not want to have children that is an irrevocably personal decision to do with being 24.
  2. A symptom of not being female-enough, is also incredibly insulting. I do not believe that there is a biological gene that requires I desire children. I can physically, birth a few kids, but there is no darn gene for this desire. I am against a biological notion of motherhood, to do so isolates so many women that are deemed less than for not having children for personal or physical children! My great-aunt could not physically birth children and growing up in the 60s, this was hard for her. She was isolated. Deemed as a broken thing. And for this to continue today? My femaleness is intact, my femininity (or perceived lack thereof) is not a cause or system of something that is wrong. Desire is not biological, it is personal.

I Am More Than My Ovaries

This is backed up by (or used as an excuse when persons choose to cross personal and emotional boundaries by demanding to have some reason, some physical reason as to my brazenness) the fact that physically, I have a serious hormone problem that makes it near physically impossible to do so. But of course, the doctor broke this to me very tenderly, like I was a fragile doll, and upon my complete lack of interest in this news, referred me to see a psychiatrist because surely, a woman who does not want to have children is utterly broken).

However, I use it primarily as an excuse to avoid overly personal, boundary crossing questions. That is my being complacent, I know, because instead of educating I seek a shortcut out. I will also state that before my hormones decided to go a bit wonky, I did not want children. I didn’t want them then, I don’t want one now, and I can pretty much surmise that I will not want them when I am in my 40s, 50s, or 60s.

I will not regret this decision, I am not doomed to eternal loneliness, a life filled with emptiness because I didn’t produce a few genetically similar beings. I am not sick. I should not be fixed, so please, please, do stop trying.

Cultural Phenomenon

This whole thing frustrates me, and I wonder if it is cultural? Being Bahamian, I have seen the righteous indignation upon my statement of a childless-future most predominately amongst Bahamians, both equally between men and women.

Women are confused, why would I not want children? Isn’t that what we are supposed to do (again, I submit, I am not some breeding chattel, I am a human and far above my breeding purposes)? I do not ridicule women who want to or have had children. I admire them, it is hard to give birth, and it is hard to nurture. I admire these women and think that having children is just another facet of life, and that the women who chose not to have children are also to be admired. Having or not having children means nothing about the woman’s choices or personhood. She is still a human being. Funny enough, the really personal, heartbreaking insults tend to be from fellow women. Sad.

Men are just horrified. Why wouldn’t I want to fulfill my womanly obligations to society? I get a few bible quotes every now and then, and I just ignore them. Some men seem to think that the biological argument is more reasonable, surely, I should want to have children? (On a side note, why do some men think it’s attractive to come onto a woman saying he wants to have babies with her? Did I miss a biological memo?).

Why do we as Bahamian (or world citizens at large, I would love to hear from everyone) seem to think that women should want to have children (or raise them, because I also don’t want to adopt. No. Children. Regardless from where they come from). Is it religion? Is it tradition? Is it Darwinian feedback?

ClaireSig

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things (1)

We have a new feature for everyone. Once a month we’ll be posting a list of’ Our Favourite Things’ from that month. They include a range of articles, tidbits, music, geek fun, literature, just about anything!

Jessica

1. Don’t Flop Entertainment.

This is a production company from the UK that organises rap battles. It’s in my favourites because in addition to the expletives, the mum jokes and the gay jokes of rap battles I’ve seen before there’s also Shakespearean quotes, references to academic theory and comic book heroes, as well as chess related insults. One performer even rapped an entire round in Elizabethan English.

2. We should all be feminists.

By Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

3. Quote:

“Seeing someone read a book you love is seeing a book recommend a person.” -Reddit user coolstoryreddit

4. This Indian advert.

Finally; someone said it.

5. Justin Bieber in court.

That’s a good look for you, bro. Orange is of course, the new black.

6. The trailer for Game of Thrones’ sixth season. 

“It’s tempting to see your enemies as evil, but there’s good and evil on both sides in every war ever fought.” Click, enjoy, fangirl is you must.

7. A Single Man.

This movie left me speechless, which let me tell you – that’s a very difficult thing to do. I laughed, I cried, I cried some more. It’s just fantastic. Some parts were sort of uncomfortable, but such is life. “Sometimes awful things have their own kind of beauty.”

ClaireSig

1. On The Map by Simon Garfield

This book is an interesting and extensive history of maps as we know them today. It’s interesting because visually, Garfield attempts to redefine our notion of the visual world. Did you ever think that the way the map is has negatively influenced out perception of our geography? Or maybe positively fed it?

2. Screening of Kareem Mortimer’s “Passage” at NAGB

I wish I was in Nassau for this, but alas, I am not but anyone would be loathe to miss this. Mortimer is a talented film maker with pieces such as Children of God and Float. Mortimer’s work is primarily based in The Bahamas and examines some social or cultural issue on the islands.“Passage” is a Bahamian made film that tells the story of a group of Haitians being smuggled into the United States by a Bahamian Boat Captain.

3. The Creative Nassau Campaign

Mrs. Pamela Burnside makes an excellent argument for the advancement of Bahamian arts/culture.

4. The Trailer for Hannibal Season 2

Oh how I love this show. Besides the stunning visual effects, the acting is sublime and just, kick ass. Nuff said.

5. Museum Selfie Day in Pictures

Small social media acts like these are significant in raising the popular profile of museums in pop culture.

Kim3

1. Tamera Mowry’s husband, Adam Housley

He’s one of my favorites this month because of his response to racist comments that have been made about their marriage.  Here’s the quote…

“Yes, I am white. Yes, she is half-black. Marrying a white man does not erase her color and marrying a woman who is half-black does not mean I am blinded. The problem isn’t pigmentation… the problem is backwards, bigoted thought from people who should know better.”

It’s 2014 for God’s sakes people….are we really still dealing with racism? I’m so over it!

2. The trailer for the movie, Heaven is for Real

I CANNOT WAIT to watch this movie….and I hope that it lives up to my expectations, but from what I’ve seen in the trailer I think it will.  It gives me goosebumps every time I see it.

3. Quote:

Im all about good times, great books and even better sex.” – Nas
Isn’t that what life is really all about? I think so. I’m not sure if Nas actually said that, but I found it on the internet…and everything on the internet is true, right?

4. Royal Bahamas Police Force Band and Junkanoo take center stage at Miami Heat game

Because it’s about time that our country gets some good publicity. I’m not sure if the performance was aired on tv because I don’t watch sports at all, but in any event this is definitely a good look for The Bahamas.

5. My daughter, Sophia’s favourite song this month

“My God is so Big” – The lyrics are simple, “My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there’s nothing my God cannot do…for you!”.  This is in my favourites this month because I often find myself worrying about things that I probably shouldn’t worry so much about, and I am always praying for and looking for a way to ease my mind.  It took me (and all of my Facebook friends) about two weeks to figure out what she was singing and when I finally did (with help from her teachers), it came as a huge reminder to me to just let go and let God.

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We hope you enjoyed everything!