Yall know that scene in the notebook where Noah is hanging from the ferris wheel and tells Allie, in front of her boyfriend that he is not taking no for an answer and that if she doesn’t say yes to a date with him, he’d let go; thus plummeting to a gruesome bloody death, that would OBVIOUSLY be her fault, right? Listen, I know that as a member of the female population I’m supposed to find this super romantic, but from the time I watched the film at 17 to this very second, that scene annoys me to my very core. I remember whispering “do it”, much to the aggravation of my friends forcing me to watch. I still stand by that. The phrase “don’t take no for answer” is about not giving up when it comes to reaching your goals in life. What’s it’s not about is harassing and manipulating a woman to go out with you. Threatening to harm yourself or someone else if she doesn’t is a form of abuse; and the very opposite of romance. Now, I’m aware it worked out for these two in the end. Welcome to fiction.

Moving on to some NON-fiction. I present to you the video for Get Her Back by Robin Thicke. Robin is clearly also not taking no for an answer. This dude isn’t even taking “you ruined everything” as an answer.

Those texts that appear throughout the video are real, according to Thicke. Which makes it worse in my opinion. No one can know exactly what is going in either of their heads in this situation, but from what we can tell Paula has made her decision and he responds by making a pathetic plea in the most public way possible. This being bad enough, he then publishes private text messages, possibly without her knowledge. Is harassing and publicly embarrassing someone the new form of wooing?

 

Actually, it’s not. This idea that romance is when the guy would do anything and everything to ‘get the girl’ (‘anything’ obviously includes ignoring her constant ‘no’s) has been around for ages and is constantly finding itself into many pop culture narratives. Doesn’t matter what she says lads, keep trying; she’ll give in eventually! And if that doesn’t work, just threaten to kill yourself and you’re sorted! That is one of the most disgusting forms of emotional manipulation and abuse one could attempt, and it can be seen in this very same video. Thicke imitates a gun being pointed at his temple a few times during this video. Perhaps a subtle threat? That, accompanied with the images of both of them drowning and him being splattered with blood, (his or hers? I don’t know) is enough to make your skin crawl. Still, we’re expected to see it as romantic. What is Paula expected to see it as?

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When I first saw the video I thought how unfair it is that she would be forced to see her lying, cheating, drunk ex climb the charts with an album that’s got her name on it. Then, yesterday as I was driving home, the song came on the radio. I thought, shit, what if I was Paula? What if she’s just dropped the kids off at a playdate and is on her way to yoga when BAM she hears this plea over the radio. And the person in the car next to her is singing along. What special brand of torture is this?! First she’s treated poorly during the relationship and then after there’s no escape. ZOMG how romantic. Let a woman be this romantic. She’d be called every form of ‘crazy’ and ‘pathetic’ that exists before they even start recording the songs.

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Can we please redefine what is considered romantic? Cause none of this is actually romantic, it’s bloody terrifying. There is nothing sweet, and cute about not taking no for answer; it’s threatening. One of our own Mix Up writers has had an experience of unwanted advances lately herself. Last week, just about everyday, flowers were sent to Kimberley at her place of work; with no signature. She has no idea who is sending them; it sure as hell isn’t the one person she wants to receive flowers from; her boyfriend. Yes, this isn’t as awful an example as Paula: the album, but it’s still VERY creepy. What’s she meant to do? Sit there wondering who the hell is watching her go to work? Perhaps cooing and swooning as women do over the possible handsomeness of her would be-gentleman caller?

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Who knows! What I do know is two things: 1. She doesn’t want them. I wouldn’t want them. I don’t know many women who WOULD enjoy receiving flowers from NOBODY. 2. If she was to send flowers to a man in the same fashion (hypothetical universe where boyfriend is not present) she’d be considered an absolute lunatic; sad, delusional, and desperate. Instead of those things, this guy is sitting there thinking he’s being romantic. “Chicks dig this kinda thing”…*ahem*… or rather “gals likes dis type ting”.  Buddy, if you’re reading this… you are so very welcome for the harsh truth/good advice. And on behalf of Kimberley:

 

Jessica

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Obligations To Your Country Rant 2

First of all, there are a few business items I must take care of. To those who don’t know, today is Jessica’s BIRTHDAY! She’s old, so old, she’s got a quarter-life crisis going on. But I’ve come to take care of that, I have a pretty message for her below (from her man Dean):

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OK, now onto my petty ranting. I recently finished exams (GO ME! I survived comprehensives!) but leading up to it I wasn’t paying any sort of attention to drama back at home in The Bahamas. However, once I’d come up for air and finished I realised that I need to get my big-girl pants on and go job hunting once again. In a previous post I’ve explored my conflicting desire to stay in the UK but feeling an obligation to return home and work.

Now that I am faced with that dilemma I’m taking a really passive-aggressive stance to it, I’m applying to jobs in the UK and in The Bahamas and will ultimately follow the money (I’ve got loans y’all, and RBC don’t play with people that don’t pay their loans back). In this job search though, some people have felt the need to lecture me about my being a bad “Bahamian” for not immediately jumping on the go-home bandwagon.

I am not a fan of including .gifs into posts, but this one is applicable. To all those that lecture me on brain drain and why I’m a ‘bad’ Bahamian.

I’ve got a few things to say to all of those people bringing on the hate:

Panic! Brain drain being both a concern and an insult:

So the first order of ranting begins with the notion of brain drain. I believe in it, I’ve seen it happen. A lot of my friends who left to go to school abroad never went back home or if they do, it’s not to work but just to visit family. I get it, it’s a big concern! How can a country function if all of it’s educated people choose to leave to seek better jobs elsewhere (let’s pay attention to that term ok: better jobs elsewhere). However, I don’t think it should be lorded over people who choose to stay abroad. People have reasons OK! Be it lifestyle (you can’t exactly call The Bahamas terribly accepting of difference), or better opportunities. If you want to stopbrain drain you have to create diverse opportunities for people (note: DIVERSE).

Another thing that pisses me off about this is it is also completely insulting for the people who have either chosen to stay in The Bahamas or have no choicebut to stay in the country. It isn’t easy to leave (money and visas, oye  vey, that’s another rant) and it’s insulting to say that the best and the brightest are gone. This inherently implies that only the not-best and not-brightest are left within the country. Which isn’t fair on the people who live and work and breathe an existence into The Bahamas! The best and brightest are at home and they’re also abroad! Stop focusing on brain drain as a best vs. not best debate. I’d feel more comfortable if the debate was framed as people are leaving because of lack of jobs in general. Don’t blame the people who are leaving, blame the structure man.

Diversity and education:

Another rant in this brain drain debate is tied to education I believe. I study anthropology. To make matters worse, I specialise in a particularly small and obscure branch of anthropology. So obscure there are three programs in the world that offer degrees in it. I left The Bahamas because COB didn’t offer anthropology and it sure as heck wasn’t going to offer anything as obscure as my specialty. So the government and all the higher ups are worried about people leaving? How about you give them an incentive to stay and I don’t know… offer a diversity of fields? I understand that COB is a small school but if you want to get it up to university status they’re going to have to offer a greater range of subjects. I mean broadening the social science department, arts, languages, natural sciences, etc. I love that COB offers a range of technical fields or professional degrees, but we need a greater diversity.

I shouldn’t have to leave my country because I’m not willing to compromise on what I want to study. I want to study what I love and I should be given an opportunity to do so here.

Ummm… are there any jobs?

We’re more than just accountants or lawyers or nurses or doctors. Sometimes, a Bahamian goes into a super obscure field and even if they wanted to return home, where the hell are the jobs (in general)? There certainly won’t be a job for that super obscure field.  So don’t come to me and yell about how is The Bahamas supposed to get better if all the good people leave. I know. I am aware. I am very aware but if no one gives me the opportunity to get a job that will meet my personal and professional goals, what is my motivation to return? The country needs jobs. And not just more of the same old jobs.

And, to my last point (which I’m a bit ashamed of even saying but I have to survive yo) can the company pay me what I deserve to be paid? A company in the UK can pay what a person with an MSc deserves to get paid, and honestly, not a lot of placed in The Bahamas can do that. This isn’t fair on The Bahamas or me, but I am willing to take a pay reduction to return home for the sake of adverting brain drain, but not such a huge pay cut that I’m being paid what someone without a degree is being paid. I worked hard for this MSc and I want to reap its benefits.

Transnationalism and supporting from abroad:

This is the last rant in a too-long post. My hand hurts, so I know y’all eyes are hurting (and if you made it this far, HURRAH! You’re a super reader and I commend you for putting up with my whining!). OK this point really sticks it to me: you can support your country transnationally. GASP! Say it ain’t so! Yes. You can. In all seriousness, I know The Bahamas needs bodies to improve but there are other ways of assisting the country from outside of its borders.

I know many academics who, though working abroad, feature The Bahamas exclusively in their writing nad teaching. What is this doing? Raising awareness of Bahamian art and culture. I’m writing my MSc thesis on The Bahamas,. I plan to do my PhD on The Bahamas. I was even thinking of starting some kind of consultancy business to help students interested in studying something “different” (and by different I mean outside of the medical-law-tourism trinity we seem to tout) figure out how to do so (anyone interested?) I know these don’t bring large quantities of dollar bills into the country but it’s a form of mental support. Plus, money flows internationally, money leaves and enters the country and it’s people from the Bahamian diaspora, to disregard their financial contributions to the nation is ignorant. Money flows and as long as people have love for The Bahamas, it will always go into it.

OK I’m tired. I know this is a ramble, but I hope it’s a ramble that makes sense. I’m just annoyed that people would try to make me feel guilty for trying to support myself and my family.

ClaireSig

STUPID-stitious…it can’t have legs!

So I totally slacked off on this week’s post and didn’t remember it until sometime this morning.  I messaged Jessica and asked her for a topic idea in hopes that she would maybe offer to take on this week’s post (LOL) but instead, she replied with, “Uhhmmm. Well its Friday the 13th.  And a full moon.”

Anyone who knows me knows that I am quite possibly the most superstitious person you will ever meet.  When I think about it too hard it’s kinda weird because I also like to think of myself as a pretty spiritual (and kinda religious) person and the two really don’t go together.  But for whatever reason, I’m just weird in that way (and many others…but that’s another topic for another day).  I have been this way since I was a little girl and though I don’t know exactly when, I do know that it all started with my mother who taught me most of these crazy beliefs and I picked up a few of my own along the way.

Seeing that today is Friday the 13th, I would not under any circumstances be caught on an airplane because this is the unluckiest of all days of the year.

I would also never throw any bottle, jar or container in the trash without first taking off the cover.

If I’m walking next to someone and we are walking towards a pole, I ensure that we do not allow it to split us, because of course, this is also bad luck.  All persons must stay to one side of the pole.

I do not kill crickets, because according to my mother, that is also bad luck.  Neither do I sweep dirt out of the front door past sunset…bad luck also.

Speaking of the sun, I pray that whenever (or if ever) the day comes that I am to be married, the weather is absolutely beautiful and there is no sign of rain or I assure you that there will be no wedding that day.  My mother always said, “blessed is the dead that it rains upon and cursed is the bride”.  I have convinced myself that this is the reason why in most movies, whenever there is a funeral scene, there is almost always rain (and black umbrellas).  I also find a bit of comfort (call me crazy) in the fact that early on the morning of my mother’s funeral and afterward, it rained.  It also goes without saying that I would never open an umbrella inside the house as this will also cause bad luck.

Everyone knows that breaking a mirror is the ultimate…..a sentence of SEVEN years of bad luck.  And should you ever accidentally knock the salt over, you must be sure to throw a bit over your shoulder.  I am so insane about my superstitions that when my daughter was just over a year old, while we were eating dinner at a restaurant she knocked the salt shaker over.  Of course I put a little salt in my hand and threw it over her shoulder – it’s only right…wouldn’t want the poor child to be cursed with bad luck!

Ever put your dress on and then notice that it has a little hole or snag that can easily be fixed in a few seconds by quickly sewing it up? Better take that dress off and sew it because sewing clothes that you’re already wearing is also bad luck.

(As I sit here writing this, it is becoming so painfully obvious to me why most of my family and friends think I’m insane….and now, you probably do too.)

I don’t know if its right to call them all superstitions, because I believe that superstitions are mostly related to practices that lead to good or bad luck, but besides those I’ve already mentioned, I (kinda) believe a lot of other crazy notions….

You should not walk backwards or wear your mother’s shoes as in doing so it is said that you are “walking your mother to her grave”.  Can I just tell you how I FREAK out and scream at her to stop whenever my daughter does any of those!

Everyone knows that you knock on wood when you say something that has not happened…and you do not wish for it to happen. (I think….I can’t really explain that one any better but you know what I mean!)  As I’m writing this Jessica just remembered to tell me, after over 20 years of my knocking on wood, that whatever the wooden structure is that you knock on in this case CAN’T HAVE LEGS! (fml!)

You should never wear a ring on your ‘ring finger’ of your left hand unless you are married….or you will never be married. Also, wearing a necklace with a cross as the charm at all times will also reserve you a spot in the “NEVER MARRIED” section.  (don’t ask….it’s what my mother told me! If it helps, my mother was never married and always wore a cross charm on her necklace)

Whenever your necklace somehow moves around your neck and the latch meets the charm, that means that someone is thinking about you.

When your right hand is itching you are going to receive money (and you shouldn’t scratch it!) and when your left hand is itching it means that you’re gonna pay!  You are going to cry if your right eye is twitching and you will see someone you haven’t seen in a long time if it’s your left eye. (I probably have those mixed up, but you get my point)

If you want to change your luck, you should travel by boat to a different country because apparently “crossing oceans” will do this for you.

If you have a dream about a number and want to tell someone, you should never say the number out loud (if you plan on playing it) because this is bad luck.  You should find a pen and write the number down.

Whenever you hear that ringing sound in your ears someone is talking about you and if you say someone’s name without meaning to (for example, if you’re talking to Jessica and instead of calling her “Jessica”, you for some strange reason call her “Kimberley”…it means that Kimberley just called your name.

If you dream about a dead person and they are trying to get you to come with them somewhere you should never go because this means that they are calling you to your death.  (I don’t know anyone who this has been tested on so don’t ask).

As I said earlier, I am realizing more and more as I write this how crazy I am, so I think it’s about time to wrap this up before the Sandilands staff puts a warrant out for me (do they issue warrants?..anyways).

Last but not least, you will have bad dreams if you sleep with your arms folded in an ‘X’ over your chest, and come to think of it, I believe this all came about when I was a little girl and one night before bed I wanted a banana.  I asked my mum if I could have one and she said no.  I asked her why….her response: “It will give you bad dreams!”

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These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things (5)

Jessica

1. Tea cup balconies because cute.

2. This video because it’s really sad but also heartwarming. Be kinder to yourself.

3. The flawless parenting of Terry Clews, and how he demonstrates that it’s never too late to stop being a dickhead.

4. 101 Thing I Will Teach My Daughters with special emphasis on 3, … and 29.

5. IN THE FLESH everything about this show. I’ve seen every episode at least three times. It’s got everything, zombies, romance, banter, swearing, great soundtrack, humour, handsome boys, heart-shattering issues, female characters who are actually developed and interesting and not just love interests. GO WATCH IT NOW.

 

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1. The Embrace Your Body Campaign because I really think women are too hard on themselves and their bodies.

2. This proposal because I’m a sucker for love and all things cheesy.

3. She is amazing.

4. The letter that I can see my daughter writing me one day.

5. Once again, I am a sucker for love, this is sweet.

 

ClaireSig

(I really don’t have anything today, I’ve got a huge comprehensive exam on the 11th. All I can recommend is don’t see Godzilla but go see the new X-Men. That is all.)

1. Grants Town Trickster exhibition coming up in London for all of the Bahamian peeps in the UK. The exhibition opening is June 10th, but I can’t go to that unfortunately.

2. The latest Bahamian Art & Culture is also out.

Make progress, not excuses.

No, this post isn’t about exercise. As if. Now, I hate to admit this, but this article began with an argument over a Tyler Perry movie. During a particular scene, one character was being shitty to their spouse, I won’t say which because if one more person defends them I am going to scream. I outwardly called this person a colourful name, because, well… I’m me; and my friend, who has seen this movie countless times tells me “you can’t say that, because so and so did xyz to them and they’re just lashing out.”

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Say what now?

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…that means he wasn’t being a dickhead? Someone was shitty to you in the past, so that means you can be shitty to other people and not be called out? To quote the recently crowned winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Bianca Del Rio, “not today, Satan”. Bad things happen to people all the time, some worse than others, some unspeakable, but it doesn’t earn you a free pass to be a dickhead. And a spade shall be called a spade. Sorry about it.

And since everything in my world at the moment is a Game of Thrones reference, allow me to explain you a thing about Tyrion Lannister. THIS guy right here…

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was given a shit hand his entire life, his father admitted to almost drowning him right after birth, his sister wanted him dead from that same time, and no one in his general vicinity hesitates to make sure he’s aware just how little they think of him all because of something out of his control. And yet, through all of this he’s managed to grow up into a genuinely good person. If anything, those negative experiences made him MORE understanding and more sympathetic.  He could easily treat everyone like shit and there will be people to say “he’s been through a lot”.

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This is not to say that those bad things that happened in the past should be forgotten or that they didn’t matter, they did, and they do; but they do not give you a license to be awful to someone as a result.  As Philip Zimbardo (the man who carried out the Stanford Prison Experiment, read about it here) put it, “psychology is not excusiology. What I’m saying is, we can understand what the social psychological processes of transformation were operative in that situation. It does not excuse the behaviour.” So, though current behaviour can be explained, be understood, it doesn’t mean it is to be excused; you are still accountable for your actions. I understand why you might have been lead to do what you did, but it doesn’t mean you weren’t being a dickhead.

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At the same time, these actions do not make you a bad person. Good people do shitty things sometimes, more often than they like to or even mean to, welcome to being human my friend. Everyone (including you and I) has hurt someone in their lifetime; on purpose or otherwise. Apologise and move right along. Accepting that you did a shitty thing does not mean you have to consider yourself a bad person; and making excuses about why you did said shitty thing doesn’t mean the action was cancelled; it happened, and it should be dealt with accordingly. When my nephews misbehave I tell them, “I love you, what I don’t love right now is your behaviour”; because it’s the truth. Let’s be real, they’d have to develop into serial killing sociopaths for me to maybe love them less. A broken glass, stained carpet, or the odd tantrum won’t have much of an effect on that, but they will still accept the consequences of their actions.

 I feel like was a lot of rambling… but I hope I got my point across in a non-asshole kinda way. Basically, don’t act like a dick, and if you slip up it doesn’t make you a bad person, once you aren’t afraid to admit when you’ve behaved like a dick, and don’t get mad/defensive or make excuses when people confront you about it. Capisce? Accept, apologise, move on.  It’s not fun, but it’s necessary. After all, what’s the alternative? A lot of people in pain, for nothing.

 

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Jessica

Gullywash

I really don’t have an opinion based piece today, I’m a bit too boring for that I guess. However, I want to talk about something else, about material culture, specifically. Now, for those that know me, they know that I’m a huge geek for material culture studies. Material culture basically looks at the stuff that people and cultures find significant (or even those that are important, but don’t register as important!). Why study stuff? Well, it doesn’t make much sense in my head, but I think if we understand the stuff we find important to us as a people and as a culture, maybe that can help reveal a few things about our values. This concept of the Culture Series will look at an object or food from Bahamian culture that I find interesting and honestly, can find information on from somewhere on the internet.

Gullywash Vs. Sky Juice

Today I want to talk about Gullywash, that coconutty, sweet, divine, alcoholic goodness. I love Gullywash. Like, love, love it. I also, find it terribly interesting that when I moved to Nassau to work, I couldn’t find the stuff anywhere because everyone was calling it Sky Juice. Now, Nassauvians, can someone explain that to me? What is the history of the term Sky Juice? I’ve searched for both Gullywash and Sky Juice in academic journals, books, regular literature and so on and it’s pretty hard to find in the public domain. So why is something, that I think is a pretty significant Bahamian alcoholic beverage, so darn hard to find about?

Also, why gin? A lot of Bahamian drinks have rum in it, so what is so significant about the gin? I’ve had Gullywash that actually had equal parts gin and coconut rum in it (so good!) but as you can imagine, it was quite strong.

This is my typical recipe below:

1 smallish bottle of gin.
Lots of coconut water.
1 can of Sweetened Condensed Milk.
A dash of cinnamon.
Lots of coconut chunks.

So the complete nonsensicalness of this recipe is reflective of how we sometimes make things in The Bahamas I think, there is no recipe, either grammy or mummy taught you how to make it and you just throw things into the pot.

I want to make this post an interactive one, where people’s opinions and comments will become part of the post, so if you write a comment, tweet us or say something on Facebook, I’ll update this article to include your opinions about the drink.

ClaireSig

 

I Don’t Want a Pity Party. I Want My Mummy.

I want my Mummy.ebf26e008a5d02556faff01082a24418

If I had one wish, that would be it. I don’t want a million dollars or even world peace. I just want my Mummy. I don’t care that I’m a grown woman who is more than capable of taking care of herself and I even have a child of my own who depends on me, I still just want my Mummy. I am much better at expressing myself through written words and even photos rather than verbally speaking about something that is on my mind, especially when it is something that I am afraid to talk about for fear of having a complete breakdown. I suppose (and from what I have been told by people around me) that when I change my facebook status to something about my mother, or even when I post a quote or some other post on Instagram that draws light to the fact that I miss my mother or am thinking of her, some may take it as me “looking for attention” or (my personal favourite) “wanting a pity party”, but no, that is definitely not it. It’s quite simple actually. My mother died, my life completely turned upside down when she did and I miss her so much that it literally hurts, it is painful.

It’s been months now since she passed and I actually still have moments where I think to myself, “I can’t wait to tell Mummy this”, and then it hits me all over again like a ton of bricks every time.    Last week one day 6c196343094388ec683952efbc3c27dfwhile out on my lunch break, I decided to run into the Hallmark store to purchase a birthday card for someone. When I walked into the store, I was suddenly bitch-slapped in the face. There were Mother’s Day cards, banners, balloons, books, teddy bears, bouquets, Mother’s Day everything – everywhere. I was suddenly reminded, not that I needed reminding, that my mother is no longer here with me. It was a big blow. I literally grabbed the first birthday card that came to my hands and quickly left the store.

After my mother died, many people told me that holidays and birthdays would be hard for me from now on, but for some reason I never thought about Mother’s Day until now. And I think more than any other holiday or special day, Mother’s Day will possibly always be the toughest one for me to get through. It’s kinda like when people say that Valentine’s Day should instead be referred to as Singles Awareness Day…for me, Mother’s Day will always be that one day where this ever present fact will be clearer than it is on any other day, my mother is gone.

Now that she is gone, of course I miss her tremendously and I appreciate all that she was to me even more now. No one could ever take her place in my life or even come close. I have very close friends and relatives who are there for me, but there is absolutely nothing like having her hf760423a0586662bf624c8dfeffe9121ere and nothing can ever fill that void in my life.  I think one of the best ways I have seen that void described is [by Karen, who also lost her mother] “You have to learn how to be a mother for yourself. You have to become that person who says, ‘Don’t worry, you’re doing fine. You’re doing the best you can.’ Sure, you can call friends who’ll say that to you. And maybe you can call other relatives you’re close to, and they’ll say it, too. But hearing it from the person who taped up all your scraped knees, and consoled you through all the C’s you brought home from school, and helped you with your first lemonade stand, that person who watched you take every step and really knows you, or at least the one you perceive as really knowing you, that’s the one you count on. That’s the one you keep looking for.” The sad reality is that although you keep looking for that, you have to keep reminding yourself that it’s gone and memories will have to suffice.

She kept all of my secrets (she literally took them to the grave with her). She gave me advice on love, friendships, fashion and just life in general. Whenever I was faced with any problem, no matter how big or small, she was the first person I called and she would help me figure it out. She always knew exactly what to do, even when I didn’t want to do exactly what I should do. She knew all of my friends and she knew which of those friends were true and she never hesitated to remind me. She got my jokes. She made me laugh. She was the person I called to vent to…about anything and everything. And she always listened, even if she had to call me back when The Steve Harvey Show was over. She would tell me that I was too nice and needed to learn to start saying “no”. She would tell me what to say or6705983399adf23f5e7deed93282e8ea not to say when I wasn’t sure. She would tell me when my pants were too tight or my skirt was too short and she would keep telling me until I changed. She called me when I was out late to ask if I was okay and what time I would be home. She told me over and over that I was beautiful. She made me confident. She consoled me when I cried. She helped me fix my heart every time it was broken. She showed me how to love. She cared about me more than she cared about herself. She loved my daughter, her only grandchild, even more than she loved me.  She was my first friend. She was the best friend I ever had. For thirty years she was that one person who was always on my side, in my corner cheering me on, no matter what, through every single moment of my life and suddenly one day she wasn’t there anymore. I can’t ‘get over it’ and I don’t really want to.  The memories that I have of her are what get me through everyday.  Going to bed at night and dreaming of her can make me so happy sometimes, but that happiness quickly fades when I wake up and realize every morning that she is gone.  Hope Edelman, author of ‘Motherless Daughters’ said “I also now know that the pain is worth it if it helps me to remember her.  The pain is a reminder that I once had an extraordinary mother who loved me a lot.  That’s something I want to remember.”  The only thing greater than her presence in my life, is her absence and her presence influenced who I was, and now her absence influences who I am.  When I say that I miss her and I want my Mummy, it’s not because I want someone to feel sorry for me. It’s because of all that she was to me and I know that I will never have that in my life again and it can never be replaced.

So please forgive me but, I just want my Mummy.

Kim3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“There is an empc36257d75c7a79a0497d352083fb1bf4tiness inside of me – a void that will never be filled. No one in your life will ever love you as your mother does. There is no love as pure, unconditional and strong as a mother’s love. And I will never be loved that way again.” – Hope Edelman