Post up, FLAWLESS.

Having lost a bit of weight recently, my BFFL sent me this article to get my opinion. First thought was, yes, we do live in a society where thin privilege exists, and it’s pretty fucking shitty that the author of the article was treated better by her friends and family after having lost weight. However, I wholeheartedly disagree with her belief that people who lose weight shouldn’t be praised. It’s an accomplishment and should be celebrated. If someone sets a goal – of any kind; weight loss, academic, professional, whatever- and they meet it, they should be praised. Throw ’em a fuckin’ party, they did the damn thing. While it is kinda weird for my friends and family to refer to me as an inspiration, if it helps to motivate them in any way, then fan-fucking-tastic. Getcho life, boo!
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That being said, if weight, or physical appearance is the only thing that someone is being praised for, or if they are only treated kindly because they weigh a certain amount or look a certain way, then that is very problematic. Because I haven’t experienced this in my own life, I asked a friend of mine who recently lost a considerable amount of weight if she had a similar experience. She said that, like the author of the article, she’s had to curve men who had previously not even acknowledged her existence. While this is, unfortunate, she says she was able to weed out the weak assholes; which is always a good thing. Generally speaking, she attributed people’s increased kindness towards her to her own increased happiness with herself. Similar to this tumblr user below:
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I am in no way claiming that the experience author of the original article is the same as my friend’s or as the tumblr user’s, but it’s interesting to see different perspectives on the same issue. Personally, I haven’t experienced any of this as a result of weight loss. Men who didn’t acknowledge my existence before, continue to do so. My friends and family treat me no different.They praise me for accomplishing a weight loss goal in the same way that they would (and have) if I accomplish any goal. I haven’t even noticed much of a difference in the way strangers treat me. I believe this is because my attitude hasn’t changed. I don’t treat my family or friends any different. I have always been equal parts affectionate and sarcastic towards them, I still pretty much avoid talking to strangers at all costs, I’m a bit more confident yes, but as my BFFL once accused me of… I basically came out of my mama’s womb like this:
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And that’s exactly how I intend to go through the rest of my life, not sorry. Ain’t shit changed.

While I can’t speak for the author of the original article… in my experience, it is often attitude. I know a woman who began her weight loss regime already beautiful, and ended it in the physical prime of her life and STILL confided in me that she envied MY confidence. Me, the girl sitting next to her in clothes that were easily 5 sizes bigger than her own. This shocked the hell out of me because to me, she is gorgeous and has every right to walk around hair flippin like Yoncé.

Admittedly, my experience could be because my family and friends are (no bias here at all btw) pretty damn awesome and supportive. For example, a few days ago, some Instagram random wrote under a #TransformationTuesday photo “you’re kinda hot now”.
Kinda?…
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DF you mean “now”, son? Before I even realized what was happening, my cousin and BFFL went IN on him. They dragged yuh boy.
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People shouldn’t be treated differently based on weight or any kind of physical trait. The only advice I have to people who do this is….
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If someone does this to you, they’re doing you a favour by letting you know they’re an asshole who should not be associated with. Forget them because…
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As my little sister said the other day on the subject “whether you a size 2 or 22, happiness is what is important.” Start happy, end happy; curve the assholes while hairflipping like Yoncé.
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A vulgar dance party in the CARIBBEAN?!!!

Hello Mix Up readers! Welcome to 2015, we’re off to a late start but we’re back! And with a bang. You’re welcome.

Trigger warning: Rape, Domestic Abuse.

Heads up; there will be swearing as well.

Today we’re gonna talk (rant) about one Mr. Leslie Miller. We’ve all seen the video of him talking (LAUGHING) about abusing his ex-partner. If you haven’t, enlighten yourself. He later ‘apologised’ to the Bahamian people by writing a cheque for a whopping $1000 (wow, ballin) to the Bahamas Crisis Centre, who essentially told him to shove it.  *slow claps*

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 Fast forward a few months (almost a year really) and Mr. Miller shares some remarks about carnival, which is expected to take place in Nassau at some point. As the saying goes, opinions are like assholes, we’ve all got one; so go ahead and share it Leslie. *grabs popcorn*. Now, I’m gonna go ahead and pick out my favourite bits of his opinion and explain why they are WRONG AS HELL.

1. “The young people in this country are totally out of line morally.” …  This was said by a man who admitted to physically abusing his ex-partner. A man who recalled the events in a playful manner, laughing …WHILE IN THE BLOODY HOUSE OF ASSEMBLY. A man who when given an out by the speaker who said “Now, he’s just joking”, said “no, I’m serious.”

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Okay.

Sir, you are out of line morally.

2. Carnival will encourage, “promiscuity, fornication, rape, incest and other sins of the flesh.” …. promiscuity and fornication already occur on a daily basis in the Bahamas, let’s be real. And who cares TBH, getcho life. I’m not here to judge anyone, and neither should Mr. Miller. Do you boo.

But moving on to the notion that carnival will encourage rape????

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WHAT?! Unless they’re bringing actual rapists over for the event I’m gonna go ahead and call bullshit on that, Leslie. I’m gonna need you to stop spreading these ignorant, victim blaming, rape myth accepting views to my people. Thanks!

I don’t even know what to say in reference to carnival encouraging incest because that is the silliest of his entire carnival commentary. Show me the receipts, sir!

3. “I am not enthused about it to be honest with you.” – “But it is not my decision.” … Now, this one I honestly did like. Once you know, bruh. It’s happening.

Fast forward ONE DAY. And yuh boy ‘takes back’ these statements because Perry Christie pointed out in an interview that Leslie Miller’s daughters are quite (though I’m not sure the extent) involved in carnival.

Let’s take this at face value, he said he spoke out of turn and that he was not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter etc etc yada yada BUT, he still said publicly that women dressed a certain way = rape. He apologised for talking shit about carnival because he wasn’t ‘educated’ enough, but how about getting yourself educated on a more serious matter such as rape, before you speak about what’s going to cause it. I can assure you Mr. Miller, it ain’t those carnival outfits. He said that his daughters made a ‘believer’ out of him in reference to carnival. Good job girls, honestly; I’m sure that was tough as hell. Only now someone needs to make a believer out of him when it comes to things like rape and victim blaming.

You can start with this article, where women shared the outfits that they wore when they were assaulted. And wouldn’t you know, no carnival bikinis!

Here’s some photos, if you don’t feel like reading:

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 A few weeks ago I was having a conversation on this same topic with a male friend of mine. If you’re reading this, sorry bruh, but you asked for it. :)

Him: If you’re dressed like a slut, you are asking for it.

Me:

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Him: It’s like if I walked down the street with all my gold chains on. I’m inviting a thief to take them.

Me: … You have every right to walk down the street with ALL your jewelry on, if someone tries to steal them, it’s because they are a thief, not because you asked them to.

Him: Yeah but by wearing them, I’m giving them the opportunity to rob me. If I don’t wear them, they can’t steal them.

Me: Okay, I see your point. When we go out later I’ll leave my breasts and vagina on the night stand.

Him: …

Me:

In short, the ‘vulgar’ young people are not the problem. The problem is the ignorant, ass backwards opinions that people in power have and then feel the need to spread around.

Mr. Miller, if you’re reading this, I invite you to become as educated as you can on every topic you brought up as being a possible result of carnival; especially rape. If I didn’t make a believer out of you, discuss it with your daughters; I’m sure they have opinions on this as well. Ask them what they thought about you telling the world you used to physically assault a past girlfriend on a regular basis. Ask them how they felt when you laughed about it. Ask them how they would feel if you did that to their mother. Ask yourself how you would feel if someone did that to them, and then laughed about it on national television. Ask yourself how you would feel if god forbid, they were sexually assaulted and someone had the fucking nerve to blame it on what they were wearing; thus excusing the perpetrator’s actions.

Jessica

Kids are off limits!

Though it is cliche, it is so true that once you become a mother (or just a parent, really) you see the world completely different.  You really do begin to see the world through the eyes of your child.  And that can sometimes be such an ugly picture.  24ded4027616eaac89a9018a4ab9189e

In an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (of course I am referencing KUWTK – I happen to love it) Kim Kardashian and her mother went on a trip and she also carried her (ever so beautiful) daughter, North along with her.  When they returned home from their trip, Kim and her mother were telling her sisters about a very rude and obnoxious lady who was on the flight with them who apparently was shouting very rude and racist comments about her and her baby at them on the flight.  Kim’s sister Khloe’s response was “I would’ve punched her in the face”.  I am not ashamed at all to say that I share the same feelings that Khloe did, and unlike Kim, I truly believe that I would have punched the lady in the face.  
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Thankfully, I would assume that in the situation with Kim Kardashian, her daughter was too young to even realize it but sadly, this is not always the case.  
 
What sometimes makes situations involving children so much worse is that most people do not realize how sensitive children are and how something that may seem simple to an adult can negatively affect a small child.  Because young children are usually egocentric, they truly believe that the world around them is literally just revolving around them.  A few years ago I was working in a preschool and each afternoon the children would go to the school cafeteria where the school’s cook, Mr. Carlos would give them their afternoon snack.  The snack menu changed on a daily basis and there were usually snacks like yogurt, Oreos, cheese puffs, Goldfish, you name it.  One of the snack choices was Cheez-its.  Those are these hard cheese flavored crackers and the children really didn’t care for them much.  One week, there had apparently been a problem with the school’s snack order and the children were given Cheez-its two days in a row.  The next day, which would have been the third day, we got to the cafeteria and much to their disappointment, they were given Cheez-its again.  With a sad face one of the children looked at me and said, “Miss Kim, is Mr. Carlos mad at us?” I had no idea why this child would think that because Mr. Carlos is probably one of the sweetest people I have ever met and all of the kids loved him.  I told the child that I didn’t think he was and I asked him why did he ask me that.  His response – “because he keeps giving us Cheez-its and we don’t like them.”In that situation of course it was not intended to hurt the children’s feelings, but it just goes to show how little ones think.  My daughter, who is two years old has had her poor little feelings hurt by an oh so immature ‘adult’ a few times, and whats sad about it is, it was intentional and for reasons that are so petty and stupid and have absolutely nothing to do with her.  A former acquaintance of mine, who had a very close connection to our family felt the need on a few occasions to snub my precious child.  This person and I used to be pretty close; we hung out a lot and as I said there was a close connection to my family so my daughter actually was very fond of her and referred to her as “Aunt”.  Once me and this person were no longer speaking, for very silly reasons as I said, she then apparently stopped speaking to my daughter as well.  What makes this so much worse is not only the fact that my daughter is only two years old, but the fact that she noticed that this person now ignores her whenever she sees her anywhere.  On the numerous occasions that this happened, each time my daughter would say to me, “Her not say hi to me” or “Her not talk to me anymore” and this makes me so upset.  6794dc95c92747db28a08b685ab86cceMy child is practically a baby and someone who is supposed to be a mature adult, and who is also a mother, feels that it is cool to behave this way toward an innocent child.  It leaves me to wonder, who is the child here?
 
I think that it is so moronic and insane to think that it is okay to hurt (in ANY way) an innocent, defenseless child who literally is not even aware that there is or even could be a problem; but that’s just me.  I know that everyone is not an expert in dealing with children, and by no means am I one either, but I do think that we as adults could sometimes be more aware of how something that may seem so simple to you could be so major to them.  You might not even realize that the reason you think the way you do or do certain things the way you do could be because of something that happened and influenced you when you were a small child.  
 
So the next time you feel inclined to say or do something rude to a child, no matter how simple it may seem, remember this – they are just an innocent child and if you get a kick out of hurting them, you truly do deserve a kick – in the ass. ce9b050cdbf9e16502afbd5808599fec
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Be Kind…or Shut Up!

When I found out that Robin Williams had died I was shocked.  I was even more shocked to learn that he committed suicide.  Shortly after news of his death spread, the posts on Facebook and other social media outlets began.  A number of people were appalled that he had “taken the easy way out”, and admittedly, there was a time when I would have agreed with that.  However, my view on this has changed.  While I still could never imagin8b982b3ab7c5d1cbfef6d4b716661cafe taking my own life and by no means do I condone suicide, I do not feel that anyone has the right to judge another human being for any choices they make, especially when they really have absolutely NO IDEA what that person is going through.

 
Yes, Robin Williams had all the fame and money one could ever hope for and imagine.  What on earth could possibly be so bad that he would no longer want to go on with his life? The whole world loved him, he made millions of people laugh.  That is enough to live for….right?  That makes everything better.  What many people do not understand is that every single person on this Earth is completely different from every other single person on this Earth.  What you deal with on a daily basis may be easy to you, or even hard, but to another person it would be seen completely different and probably handled much differently.  What you see as a small problem may be considered major to someone else.  
 
Before my mother died, I was very judgmental of people in the way that they handled death.  I remember I would see Facebook posts, stickers on cars, tattoos, t-shirts – all in memory of lost loved ones of people and I would th644f0af3ae44cc6f0de017229136c424ink to myself, “it’s been like 4  years…come on”.  One of the biggest lessons I have learned in losing my mother is this – everyone deals with things differently and nobody has the right to judge them for that.  I believe that twenty years could pass and I will still miss my mother as though she only died twenty minutes ago.  If I had to choose between ten million dollars or ten minutes with her, that would be the best ten minutes of my life. 
I know that people probably look at me and think that I should be over it by now and the truth of the matter is, I have not even started to get over her death yet.  Nobody knows the feelings that I deal with so nobody has the right to judge me on it.  Not one day has passed in the almost year since she died that I do not picture her face as she gac11f585f28d315597ee9aafce0f18568sped for air and collapsed next to me onto the floor in the hospital.  Not one day has passed that I do not remember watching through the tiny window of the emergency room as a medical crew desperately pumped on her chest and frantically moved around her nearly lifeless body.  Not one day has passed that I do not remember sitting in the cold pleather couch of the room in the hospital designated for family members of patients as the doctor said “she did not make it”.  And not one day has passed that I do not think about holding onto her cold and lifeless body, sobbing uncontrollably because I had lost my very best friend and my heart was forever broken.  I do not see how anyone could feel that they have the right to judge me for how I feel or things I do when these are just some of the thoughts I have every single day.  
I said all of that to say this.  To most people who know me, if not all, I seem like a pretty happy normal girl (and I am for the most part).  But nobody knows what goes on in my life and my mind on a daily basis.  You do not know what goes on behind the smiles and laughter.  It is my battle to fight and not for you to judge.  That is my battle and every single person out there including you is fighting their own on a daily basis.  Everyone you see has something that they are dealing with that you cannot understand.  It is so much easier to judge than to try and understand.  
 
What may seem like something simple to you may be the most difficult thing for another.  People like to say you have no idea unless you have g90c5f72f004c9e4fd934d5a3eb4f1773one through the same thing.  I disagree.  Even if you have been through the same thing, it was YOU who went through it so you still have no idea what it feels like to someone else.  At the end of the day, I believe that the only rightful judge is God, for only He knows exactly what everyone is dealing with.  As for the rest of us, all we can do is be kind, or at least try to.  
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These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things (6)

Jessica

 

1. The Owl Whisperer. Because not only do I love owls, but also because this would definitely be my reaction.

2. Pantene’s ‘Not Sorry’ advert. Becausetruth. To quote The Story So Far, “fuck an apology, I’m not sorry for anything!”

3. This Mythbuster because flawless. Whoever the Whistleblower is, they deserve all the awards. I tip my hat to you, good sir/mam.

4. This song. I can’t stop singing it. Family and friends are becoming concerned/annoyed.

5. This new way to avoid creepy aggressive men.

Kim3

 

1. This lady because I know that I could NEVER be that forgiving.

2. I read this and wondered how did I forget that I wrote it…so accurate!

3. The most hilarious video and commentary that I have seen in a while. My cousin, Robert and I are still laughing at it.

4. Don’t hate. They are bad-ass!

5. I just love this video! I cannot stop watching it!

6. The person who wrote this deserves a high-five!

7. I would also just like to send a huge SHOUT OUT to my friend, C. McMahon Campbell for being elected as the Local Government representative for my constituency, East Grand Bahama! Go McMahon go! This is a fave for me because for the first time ever, my vote actually resulted in a win! Woo-hoo!

ClaireSig

 

1. Sailor Moon crystal episode 1 just came out and the Internet fandom is freaking out. Join in on the fun.

2. Latest Bahamian Art & Culture.

3. Latest edition of Doongalik’s newsletter.

Yall know that scene in the notebook where Noah is hanging from the ferris wheel and tells Allie, in front of her boyfriend that he is not taking no for an answer and that if she doesn’t say yes to a date with him, he’d let go; thus plummeting to a gruesome bloody death, that would OBVIOUSLY be her fault, right? Listen, I know that as a member of the female population I’m supposed to find this super romantic, but from the time I watched the film at 17 to this very second, that scene annoys me to my very core. I remember whispering “do it”, much to the aggravation of my friends forcing me to watch. I still stand by that. The phrase “don’t take no for answer” is about not giving up when it comes to reaching your goals in life. What’s it’s not about is harassing and manipulating a woman to go out with you. Threatening to harm yourself or someone else if she doesn’t is a form of abuse; and the very opposite of romance. Now, I’m aware it worked out for these two in the end. Welcome to fiction.

Moving on to some NON-fiction. I present to you the video for Get Her Back by Robin Thicke. Robin is clearly also not taking no for an answer. This dude isn’t even taking “you ruined everything” as an answer.

Those texts that appear throughout the video are real, according to Thicke. Which makes it worse in my opinion. No one can know exactly what is going in either of their heads in this situation, but from what we can tell Paula has made her decision and he responds by making a pathetic plea in the most public way possible. This being bad enough, he then publishes private text messages, possibly without her knowledge. Is harassing and publicly embarrassing someone the new form of wooing?

 

Actually, it’s not. This idea that romance is when the guy would do anything and everything to ‘get the girl’ (‘anything’ obviously includes ignoring her constant ‘no’s) has been around for ages and is constantly finding itself into many pop culture narratives. Doesn’t matter what she says lads, keep trying; she’ll give in eventually! And if that doesn’t work, just threaten to kill yourself and you’re sorted! That is one of the most disgusting forms of emotional manipulation and abuse one could attempt, and it can be seen in this very same video. Thicke imitates a gun being pointed at his temple a few times during this video. Perhaps a subtle threat? That, accompanied with the images of both of them drowning and him being splattered with blood, (his or hers? I don’t know) is enough to make your skin crawl. Still, we’re expected to see it as romantic. What is Paula expected to see it as?

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When I first saw the video I thought how unfair it is that she would be forced to see her lying, cheating, drunk ex climb the charts with an album that’s got her name on it. Then, yesterday as I was driving home, the song came on the radio. I thought, shit, what if I was Paula? What if she’s just dropped the kids off at a playdate and is on her way to yoga when BAM she hears this plea over the radio. And the person in the car next to her is singing along. What special brand of torture is this?! First she’s treated poorly during the relationship and then after there’s no escape. ZOMG how romantic. Let a woman be this romantic. She’d be called every form of ‘crazy’ and ‘pathetic’ that exists before they even start recording the songs.

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Can we please redefine what is considered romantic? Cause none of this is actually romantic, it’s bloody terrifying. There is nothing sweet, and cute about not taking no for answer; it’s threatening. One of our own Mix Up writers has had an experience of unwanted advances lately herself. Last week, just about everyday, flowers were sent to Kimberley at her place of work; with no signature. She has no idea who is sending them; it sure as hell isn’t the one person she wants to receive flowers from; her boyfriend. Yes, this isn’t as awful an example as Paula: the album, but it’s still VERY creepy. What’s she meant to do? Sit there wondering who the hell is watching her go to work? Perhaps cooing and swooning as women do over the possible handsomeness of her would be-gentleman caller?

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Who knows! What I do know is two things: 1. She doesn’t want them. I wouldn’t want them. I don’t know many women who WOULD enjoy receiving flowers from NOBODY. 2. If she was to send flowers to a man in the same fashion (hypothetical universe where boyfriend is not present) she’d be considered an absolute lunatic; sad, delusional, and desperate. Instead of those things, this guy is sitting there thinking he’s being romantic. “Chicks dig this kinda thing”…*ahem*… or rather “gals likes dis type ting”.  Buddy, if you’re reading this… you are so very welcome for the harsh truth/good advice. And on behalf of Kimberley:

 

Jessica