Though it is cliche, it is so true that once you become a mother (or just a parent, really) you see the world completely different. You really do begin to see the world through the eyes of your child. And that can sometimes be such an ugly picture.
When I found out that Robin Williams had died I was shocked. I was even more shocked to learn that he committed suicide. Shortly after news of his death spread, the posts on Facebook and other social media outlets began. A number of people were appalled that he had “taken the easy way out”, and admittedly, there was a time when I would have agreed with that. However, my view on this has changed. While I still could never imagine taking my own life and by no means do I condone suicide, I do not feel that anyone has the right to judge another human being for any choices they make, especially when they really have absolutely NO IDEA what that person is going through.
So I totally slacked off on this week’s post and didn’t remember it until sometime this morning. I messaged Jessica and asked her for a topic idea in hopes that she would maybe offer to take on this week’s post (LOL) but instead, she replied with, “Uhhmmm. Well its Friday the 13th. And a full moon.”
Anyone who knows me knows that I am quite possibly the most superstitious person you will ever meet. When I think about it too hard it’s kinda weird because I also like to think of myself as a pretty spiritual (and kinda religious) person and the two really don’t go together. But for whatever reason, I’m just weird in that way (and many others…but that’s another topic for another day). I have been this way since I was a little girl and though I don’t know exactly when, I do know that it all started with my mother who taught me most of these crazy beliefs and I picked up a few of my own along the way.
Seeing that today is Friday the 13th, I would not under any circumstances be caught on an airplane because this is the unluckiest of all days of the year.
I would also never throw any bottle, jar or container in the trash without first taking off the cover.
If I’m walking next to someone and we are walking towards a pole, I ensure that we do not allow it to split us, because of course, this is also bad luck. All persons must stay to one side of the pole.
I do not kill crickets, because according to my mother, that is also bad luck. Neither do I sweep dirt out of the front door past sunset…bad luck also.
Speaking of the sun, I pray that whenever (or if ever) the day comes that I am to be married, the weather is absolutely beautiful and there is no sign of rain or I assure you that there will be no wedding that day. My mother always said, “blessed is the dead that it rains upon and cursed is the bride”. I have convinced myself that this is the reason why in most movies, whenever there is a funeral scene, there is almost always rain (and black umbrellas). I also find a bit of comfort (call me crazy) in the fact that early on the morning of my mother’s funeral and afterward, it rained. It also goes without saying that I would never open an umbrella inside the house as this will also cause bad luck.
Everyone knows that breaking a mirror is the ultimate…..a sentence of SEVEN years of bad luck. And should you ever accidentally knock the salt over, you must be sure to throw a bit over your shoulder. I am so insane about my superstitions that when my daughter was just over a year old, while we were eating dinner at a restaurant she knocked the salt shaker over. Of course I put a little salt in my hand and threw it over her shoulder – it’s only right…wouldn’t want the poor child to be cursed with bad luck!
Ever put your dress on and then notice that it has a little hole or snag that can easily be fixed in a few seconds by quickly sewing it up? Better take that dress off and sew it because sewing clothes that you’re already wearing is also bad luck.
(As I sit here writing this, it is becoming so painfully obvious to me why most of my family and friends think I’m insane….and now, you probably do too.)
I don’t know if its right to call them all superstitions, because I believe that superstitions are mostly related to practices that lead to good or bad luck, but besides those I’ve already mentioned, I (kinda) believe a lot of other crazy notions….
You should not walk backwards or wear your mother’s shoes as in doing so it is said that you are “walking your mother to her grave”. Can I just tell you how I FREAK out and scream at her to stop whenever my daughter does any of those!
Everyone knows that you knock on wood when you say something that has not happened…and you do not wish for it to happen. (I think….I can’t really explain that one any better but you know what I mean!) As I’m writing this Jessica just remembered to tell me, after over 20 years of my knocking on wood, that whatever the wooden structure is that you knock on in this case CAN’T HAVE LEGS! (fml!)
You should never wear a ring on your ‘ring finger’ of your left hand unless you are married….or you will never be married. Also, wearing a necklace with a cross as the charm at all times will also reserve you a spot in the “NEVER MARRIED” section. (don’t ask….it’s what my mother told me! If it helps, my mother was never married and always wore a cross charm on her necklace)
Whenever your necklace somehow moves around your neck and the latch meets the charm, that means that someone is thinking about you.
When your right hand is itching you are going to receive money (and you shouldn’t scratch it!) and when your left hand is itching it means that you’re gonna pay! You are going to cry if your right eye is twitching and you will see someone you haven’t seen in a long time if it’s your left eye. (I probably have those mixed up, but you get my point)
If you want to change your luck, you should travel by boat to a different country because apparently “crossing oceans” will do this for you.
If you have a dream about a number and want to tell someone, you should never say the number out loud (if you plan on playing it) because this is bad luck. You should find a pen and write the number down.
Whenever you hear that ringing sound in your ears someone is talking about you and if you say someone’s name without meaning to (for example, if you’re talking to Jessica and instead of calling her “Jessica”, you for some strange reason call her “Kimberley”…it means that Kimberley just called your name.
If you dream about a dead person and they are trying to get you to come with them somewhere you should never go because this means that they are calling you to your death. (I don’t know anyone who this has been tested on so don’t ask).
As I said earlier, I am realizing more and more as I write this how crazy I am, so I think it’s about time to wrap this up before the Sandilands staff puts a warrant out for me (do they issue warrants?..anyways).
Last but not least, you will have bad dreams if you sleep with your arms folded in an ‘X’ over your chest, and come to think of it, I believe this all came about when I was a little girl and one night before bed I wanted a banana. I asked my mum if I could have one and she said no. I asked her why….her response: “It will give you bad dreams!”
I want my Mummy.
If I had one wish, that would be it. I don’t want a million dollars or even world peace. I just want my Mummy. I don’t care that I’m a grown woman who is more than capable of taking care of herself and I even have a child of my own who depends on me, I still just want my Mummy. I am much better at expressing myself through written words and even photos rather than verbally speaking about something that is on my mind, especially when it is something that I am afraid to talk about for fear of having a complete breakdown. I suppose (and from what I have been told by people around me) that when I change my facebook status to something about my mother, or even when I post a quote or some other post on Instagram that draws light to the fact that I miss my mother or am thinking of her, some may take it as me “looking for attention” or (my personal favourite) “wanting a pity party”, but no, that is definitely not it. It’s quite simple actually. My mother died, my life completely turned upside down when she did and I miss her so much that it literally hurts, it is painful.
It’s been months now since she passed and I actually still have moments where I think to myself, “I can’t wait to tell Mummy this”, and then it hits me all over again like a ton of bricks every time. Last week one day while out on my lunch break, I decided to run into the Hallmark store to purchase a birthday card for someone. When I walked into the store, I was suddenly bitch-slapped in the face. There were Mother’s Day cards, banners, balloons, books, teddy bears, bouquets, Mother’s Day everything – everywhere. I was suddenly reminded, not that I needed reminding, that my mother is no longer here with me. It was a big blow. I literally grabbed the first birthday card that came to my hands and quickly left the store.
After my mother died, many people told me that holidays and birthdays would be hard for me from now on, but for some reason I never thought about Mother’s Day until now. And I think more than any other holiday or special day, Mother’s Day will possibly always be the toughest one for me to get through. It’s kinda like when people say that Valentine’s Day should instead be referred to as Singles Awareness Day…for me, Mother’s Day will always be that one day where this ever present fact will be clearer than it is on any other day, my mother is gone.
Now that she is gone, of course I miss her tremendously and I appreciate all that she was to me even more now. No one could ever take her place in my life or even come close. I have very close friends and relatives who are there for me, but there is absolutely nothing like having her here and nothing can ever fill that void in my life. I think one of the best ways I have seen that void described is [by Karen, who also lost her mother] “You have to learn how to be a mother for yourself. You have to become that person who says, ‘Don’t worry, you’re doing fine. You’re doing the best you can.’ Sure, you can call friends who’ll say that to you. And maybe you can call other relatives you’re close to, and they’ll say it, too. But hearing it from the person who taped up all your scraped knees, and consoled you through all the C’s you brought home from school, and helped you with your first lemonade stand, that person who watched you take every step and really knows you, or at least the one you perceive as really knowing you, that’s the one you count on. That’s the one you keep looking for.” The sad reality is that although you keep looking for that, you have to keep reminding yourself that it’s gone and memories will have to suffice.
She kept all of my secrets (she literally took them to the grave with her). She gave me advice on love, friendships, fashion and just life in general. Whenever I was faced with any problem, no matter how big or small, she was the first person I called and she would help me figure it out. She always knew exactly what to do, even when I didn’t want to do exactly what I should do. She knew all of my friends and she knew which of those friends were true and she never hesitated to remind me. She got my jokes. She made me laugh. She was the person I called to vent to…about anything and everything. And she always listened, even if she had to call me back when The Steve Harvey Show was over. She would tell me that I was too nice and needed to learn to start saying “no”. She would tell me what to say or not to say when I wasn’t sure. She would tell me when my pants were too tight or my skirt was too short and she would keep telling me until I changed. She called me when I was out late to ask if I was okay and what time I would be home. She told me over and over that I was beautiful. She made me confident. She consoled me when I cried. She helped me fix my heart every time it was broken. She showed me how to love. She cared about me more than she cared about herself. She loved my daughter, her only grandchild, even more than she loved me. She was my first friend. She was the best friend I ever had. For thirty years she was that one person who was always on my side, in my corner cheering me on, no matter what, through every single moment of my life and suddenly one day she wasn’t there anymore. I can’t ‘get over it’ and I don’t really want to. The memories that I have of her are what get me through everyday. Going to bed at night and dreaming of her can make me so happy sometimes, but that happiness quickly fades when I wake up and realize every morning that she is gone. Hope Edelman, author of ‘Motherless Daughters’ said “I also now know that the pain is worth it if it helps me to remember her. The pain is a reminder that I once had an extraordinary mother who loved me a lot. That’s something I want to remember.” The only thing greater than her presence in my life, is her absence and her presence influenced who I was, and now her absence influences who I am. When I say that I miss her and I want my Mummy, it’s not because I want someone to feel sorry for me. It’s because of all that she was to me and I know that I will never have that in my life again and it can never be replaced.
So please forgive me but, I just want my Mummy.
“There is an emptiness inside of me – a void that will never be filled. No one in your life will ever love you as your mother does. There is no love as pure, unconditional and strong as a mother’s love. And I will never be loved that way again.” – Hope Edelman
There is a popular Oprah Winfrey quote, “You can’t be friends with someone who wants your life”…this could not be more true. You cannot hang with people who are envious of you and what you have, or what they think you have. Sometimes friendships are formed because of certain circumstances; work, church; or even through relatives, but if the friendship isn’t real and formed genuinely, it can never work.
I remember my mother always would say to me, “you’re too nice…everybody is not your friend”. I won’t lie, I can be the ultimate bitch when I’m pushed in that direction, but when I like someone, I like them. And I know the reason my mother always told me that I was too nice is because whenever I meet someone new, if there is something that I can do to help them, I almost always am willing to do it, even if it puts me out of my way. Because of this, it’s easy for that kindness to be taken advantage of. There is another saying that says, “some people don’t want to be your friend, they just want the benefits of being your friend’. These people are just there to take whatever it is that they can get out of you, not realizing that to have a friend you must first be a friend. As in every relationship, there has to be a fair exchange of give and take, and some people are just too comfortable with always being the takers. They’re the ones who always need a favour, but when the tables are turned, they’re nowhere to be found.
Surround yourself with only people who genuinely care about you and only want what is best for you because those are the people who truly matter. And it is during those times that you will be able to tell who is true and who isn’t. Even if your true friend is having a rough day, news of something good happening for you will still make them happy for you, despite their own personal situation. I remember when I found out I was pregnant. I hadn’t been in my relationship at the time for very long and definitely did not plan my pregnancy, and so it came as a big surprise to me. At the same time, one of my very best friends had been married for a few years and she and her husband had been trying for a while to have a baby. Because of this I felt guilty to let her know of my pregnancy, knowing that she was having a hard time. Immediately upon her learning of my pregnancy, she was so elated for me. Despite her own personal circumstances, she was thrilled that I would be having a baby soon. Every single day all throughout the day she checked on me and my growing baby constantly. She was genuinely happy for me. She wasn’t jealous, even though I’m sure she probably had moments where she might have wished it could happen for her as well. But she knew that her time would come.
A phony person can never be empathetic towards you. It always has to be about them. There is a saying, “They want to see you doing good, but never better than them”, which is so true about these kinds of people in your life. They are those persons who pretend to be in your corner but are truly just wishing they could have your life. They are the ones who are in your boat but secretly drilling holes behind your back because they cannot stand to see good things happen for you simply because they are jealous and want it for themselves. They allow their own personal insecurities to manifest into hate towards you. Everything positive that you have going for you, they’re mad about it and wishing it were them instead.
You have a job and they’re having a hard time finding one, so they’re mad at you. You’re in a loving and happy relationship but their partner is constantly putting them down, making them feel miserable about themselves and they know they’re settling, so they’re mad at you. You have your priorities in order and are taking care of your business but they choose to spend their money on social outings, new clothes and weave, so they’re mad at you. You’re in great shape but they’re struggling with their body image, so they’re mad at you. You have beautiful, healthy hair but they wouldn’t dare to leave the house without weave and they have no edges, so they’re mad at you. Because they have so many insecurities they don’t even know how to be happy for anyone. They want everyone to do and keep doing just as bad as they are. They don’t understand that everyone has their season and just because it’s happening for you right now doesn’t mean that it will never happen for them. People who truly care for you want you to do good, even if things aren’t going their way right now.
The saddest thing about these people is that they’re so caught up in their own insecurities that they don’t even realize that that’s all it is….THEIR problem. Because they are so insecure they create these little dramas in their minds about the people around them (like you) whose lives are going so much better than their own. Rather than trying to fix what’s wrong in their own life, they continue to hate you for living yours happily. What’s even worse, once they’ve allowed their insecurities and jealousy to get the best of them and their true feelings about you are revealed, it’s impossible for them to own up to it because then they would be seen as the insecure and jealous person that they are, and hey, let’s face it, nobody wants to be that loser. And God forbid you call them out on their behaviour because then you would be the big bad guy, or for lack of a better word, the bully, which leaves them as the innocent victim that everyone automatically feels sorry for because they’re the one whose life sucks anyway.
Though I’m no expert, I do know that in my experience the best thing you can do for these people is to pray for them and let them go. Remove them from your life and just hope that one day they can find whatever it is that will make them happy. They say that there is no such thing as losing a real friend. I believe that this is true, because real friends can never be lost, and a friend who turns into an enemy has been hating from the jump. The people who leave your life are people who were never meant to stay in it to begin with. And there is no reason to feel bad about that either. After all, your life is a better place without them anyway.
1. THIS kid! LOL
2. These dogs playing Cupid…too sweet!
3. Keen I Media’s newest Cable Bahamas commercial and not just because I’m in it :P . I really do think that the Keen I Media crew are the business!
4. This is what friendship is all about.
5. A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth Paltrow. The best!
6. A kiss from a giraffe.
7. What she did was so funny and so worth running a marathon for and trying! lol
1. Games of Thrones starting last week! I haven’t watched the first episode yet, but I hear it’s amazing.
2. DaVinci’s Demons main theme soundtrack by Bear McCreary. The show is also quit good.3. Transforming Spaces was last week and a real hit! I’m bummed I couldn’t go, but maybe next year?
4. New exhibition coming up at the NAGB soon.
5. Google’s April Fools prank, gotta catch’em all! And I did!
This post is already a week late so rather than waste anymore time, let me get right into it…
1. Your entire life as you know it could be completely turned upside down in a matter of seconds. One second my mother and I were sitting in the emergency room of the hospital talking about the rest of our plans for the day and a few seconds later she was having a heart attack right in front of my face. Just like that, my life as I knew it was over and I never saw it coming. We tend to take so many things in our lives and just our lives in general for granted, we do not realize how easily it can all change and how little control we have over life. That is the first thing that my mother’s death taught me…that in one simple moment your life can completely change. Be grateful for every single second of it.
2. When the funeral ends, everything else is just beginning. Usually when someone dies, everyone knows that obviously a funeral or memorial of some sort will be held in honour of the person’s life. This is pretty standard. Right after my mother died and just up until the funeral, my house was filled with friends, visitors and family every single day. The day after the funeral it was as if none of it ever happened. It is my grief and I have to deal with it alone, but actually being alone and feeling alone is a big slap in the face, especially after so many people were surrounding you and promising to “always be there”.
3. NOBODY in the world will ever love you like your parents do. This is one of the biggest lessons I learned from my mother’s death. She was my angel, my right hand, my cheerleader, my motivator, my counselor, the love of my life, my EVERYTHING. And when she died, I realized that I had no one left in my corner. It sounds harsh but thats life, very harsh. When they say that a mother’s love is unconditional, it is the absolute truth. No one in life could have and probably will ever love me the way she did. And her love was unwavering. I will never experience love like that again, except from me to my own child. I am just so grateful that I learned how to from the best possible teacher I could have ever had.
4. Nobody can hurt you and screw you over better than your own family can. This number will leave many people upset I’m sure, and many corns mashed, as Bahamians say, but I’m being honest here. Some of the biggest hurts and deepest pains I have experienced since my mother died have been due to my family. Like I said previously, feeling alone is probably the worst feeling in the world. But feeling alone when everyone who knows you believes that you aren’t alone because they are so sure that your family has your back and is there for you, when that really isn’t the case is also not a good feeling. After my mother died, the phone calls, messages, e-mails and everything else stopped. I have had family ask me if I expect a pity party. I actually don’t expect one but having someone care enough to throw one for me would be kinda nice I guess. What I’ve learned is that most people who say they care about you actually don’t. What they do care about is the image that is portrayed to outsiders looking in and of course everyone likes the idea of having a big happy family….right?
5. I have the best friends in the entire world. I always knew that I had awesome friends but my mother’s death taught me that my friends are truly irreplaceable and they are my true family. They say friends are the family that God allowed you to pick for yourself. After my mother’s death I gained about 6 sisters and even a few brothers. Before my mother died I was an only child. My friends have been there with me since the second my mother got admitted to the hospital and they have stood by me every step of this journey which is my life now. They have seen me at my lowest and have made sure that I reached my highest. They let me vent, cry, bitch, rant and bitch some more, and they constantly remind me that when I am ready to bitch again they will be there….with wine. They have kept me sane throughout everything and I know that there is no way in the world that I will ever be able to repay any of them for that.
6. I am one strong woman. I would always say it but I don’t think I ever really believed it. Whenever I would think about the day that I would have to experience life without my mom, I would think of myself about 20-30 years from now, with a husband to lean on and probably a few more kids. I never thought that I would have to go through it alone. And if someone told me that I would, I probably would have been so sure that I would not come out alive. But I did. I made it. I am still standing. I am beaten, broken and bruised but I am here. I must admit that I have even surprised myself with how well I have been able to handle my mother’s passing, but I know that it is because of the strength that I learned from her and she was probably the strongest woman I have ever known and she obviously passed that on to me. Not to mention the fact that I have the most beautiful daughter whose face is all the inspiration I need to get up everyday and make the most of life, if only for her. And finally, it is because I serve an awesome God and I know that even in my darkest hour, He will never leave me.