When I found out that Robin Williams had died I was shocked. I was even more shocked to learn that he committed suicide. Shortly after news of his death spread, the posts on Facebook and other social media outlets began. A number of people were appalled that he had “taken the easy way out”, and admittedly, there was a time when I would have agreed with that. However, my view on this has changed. While I still could never imagine taking my own life and by no means do I condone suicide, I do not feel that anyone has the right to judge another human being for any choices they make, especially when they really have absolutely NO IDEA what that person is going through.
Yes, Robin Williams had all the fame and money one could ever hope for and imagine. What on earth could possibly be so bad that he would no longer want to go on with his life? The whole world loved him, he made millions of people laugh. That is enough to live for….right? That makes everything better. What many people do not understand is that every single person on this Earth is completely different from every other single person on this Earth. What you deal with on a daily basis may be easy to you, or even hard, but to another person it would be seen completely different and probably handled much differently. What you see as a small problem may be considered major to someone else.
Before my mother died, I was very judgmental of people in the way that they handled death. I remember I would see Facebook posts, stickers on cars, tattoos, t-shirts – all in memory of lost loved ones of people and I would think to myself, “it’s been like 4 years…come on”. One of the biggest lessons I have learned in losing my mother is this – everyone deals with things differently and nobody has the right to judge them for that. I believe that twenty years could pass and I will still miss my mother as though she only died twenty minutes ago. If I had to choose between ten million dollars or ten minutes with her, that would be the best ten minutes of my life.
I know that people probably look at me and think that I should be over it by now and the truth of the matter is, I have not even started to get over her death yet. Nobody knows the feelings that I deal with so nobody has the right to judge me on it. Not one day has passed in the almost year since she died that I do not picture her face as she gasped for air and collapsed next to me onto the floor in the hospital. Not one day has passed that I do not remember watching through the tiny window of the emergency room as a medical crew desperately pumped on her chest and frantically moved around her nearly lifeless body. Not one day has passed that I do not remember sitting in the cold pleather couch of the room in the hospital designated for family members of patients as the doctor said “she did not make it”. And not one day has passed that I do not think about holding onto her cold and lifeless body, sobbing uncontrollably because I had lost my very best friend and my heart was forever broken. I do not see how anyone could feel that they have the right to judge me for how I feel or things I do when these are just some of the thoughts I have every single day.
I said all of that to say this. To most people who know me, if not all, I seem like a pretty happy normal girl (and I am for the most part). But nobody knows what goes on in my life and my mind on a daily basis. You do not know what goes on behind the smiles and laughter. It is my battle to fight and not for you to judge. That is my battle and every single person out there including you is fighting their own on a daily basis. Everyone you see has something that they are dealing with that you cannot understand. It is so much easier to judge than to try and understand.
What may seem like something simple to you may be the most difficult thing for another. People like to say you have no idea unless you have gone through the same thing. I disagree. Even if you have been through the same thing, it was YOU who went through it so you still have no idea what it feels like to someone else. At the end of the day, I believe that the only rightful judge is God, for only He knows exactly what everyone is dealing with. As for the rest of us, all we can do is be kind, or at least try to.